it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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