I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
