I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
