i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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