Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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