Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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