roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
