I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
