Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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