I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Randomize
