Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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