I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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