You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
