My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
