youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I need a burrito and a hug.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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