Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
