I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
