Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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