maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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