Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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