It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
