I want to make a zoo with you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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