After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
