thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
