we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
