just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
