If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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