anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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