Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
