Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
