so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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