I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
