in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
