I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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