Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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