so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
