I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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