So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
