she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
