After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
