Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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