After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
