Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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