Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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