It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
