I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
