That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
