you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
