Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
