we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
