new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
