Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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