so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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