their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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