your room smells of hookers.
And success
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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