For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
