I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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