There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize