I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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