ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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