why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
