she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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