omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
