Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Never underestimate the power of titties
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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