I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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