If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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