I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Randomize
